"Old man here. Married four decades.
Look, it doesn’t matter what you find out about [your spouse] now. The question is what are you going to find out about them after 10 years, 20 years, and 30 years?
People change. They change a lot. Boy Scout this year. Ten years from now? You find out he is secretly doing hard narcotics and has been for a couple of years. She’s shy and doesn’t talk much? Raising teenage boys will change that for sure. She’ll be a loud mouth harpy and dressing you down loudly by association. Sexually driven almost to obsession? How about zero libido in the same person ten years later. Or how about libido that suddenly manifests in a prude who suddenly can’t stop fucking everything shaped like a cucumber.
Kids (shaking head), you have no idea what it means to be in a long term relationship. You think it is about getting to know each other and then you cruise through.
That is wrong!
You think you are cruising, and while you are busy taking them for granted, then turn around and BANG! Some ridiculous new hobby, a new look… now fat, now skinny, now muscles, now fat again, and now back to muscles, oops cancer, and affair, more cancer, how can you have an affair during chemo?… it does not stop.
Marriage and long term relationships are not for cowards or the weak of will. You don’t stay together because of love (romance fades into family familiarity and competition for control of children’s future) or trust (you cannot trust humans - they are unpredictable even to themselves). You stay together only out of sheer willpower, and because you have a sense of humor about what the person might be up to next, and you want to see it and help them through it.
The first decade of a relationship is like some kind of a joke. People get divorced during that time. Good. They needed to. Because after 4 decades, those pussies would be taking their own lives or end up in 12 step rehab centers.
Oh, that happens too. You’ll see.
Wait until their parents die. And then yours die. And then your brother sues you to get all of the inheritance, but won’t clean out the basement of their house filled with shit. Then you find out he has a grow lab on a farm, and DEA is investigating him. Oh wait, your brother was shot to death. Now you need knee replacement. What do you mean you slept with my brother? Why the hell are you telling me this now after 30 years? Good god, woman it doesn’t matter now.
Walking down the aisle tomorrow? GRAB THE “OH SHIT” HANDLES NOW.
In 40 years, you will be able to look a Marine Drill Instructor in the eyes and say, “Out of my way, kid. I have seen shit you would not believe.”"
"If writing is thinking and discovery and selection and order and meaning, it is also awe and reverence and mystery and magic….Authors arrive at text and subtext in thousands of ways, learning each time they begin anew how to recognize a valuable idea and how to reader the texture that accompanies, reveals or displays it to its best advantage."
"Women are described in animal terms as pets, cows, sows, foxes, chicks, serpents, bitches, beavers, old bats, old hens, mother hens, pussycats, cats, cheetahs, bird-brains, and hare-brains…‘Mother Nature’ is raped, mastered, conquered, mined; her secrets are ‘penetrated,’ her ‘womb’ is to be put into the service of the ‘man of science.’ Virgin timber is felled, cut down; fertile soil is tilled, and land that lies ‘fallow’ is ‘barren,’ useless. The exploitation of nature and animals is justified by feminizing them; the exploitation of women is justified by naturalizing them."
"Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes."
"Not everyone is okay with living like an open wound. But the thing about open wounds is that, well, you aren’t ignoring it. You’re healing; the fresh air can get to it. It’s honest. You aren’t hiding who you are. You aren’t rotting. People can give you advice on how to heal without scarring badly. But on the other hand there are some people who’ll feel uncomfortable around you. Some will even point and laugh. But we all have wounds."
Disagreements don’t have to mean division. Please don’t write someone off based on a single phrase or sentence. Please don’t look to criticize so quickly. We can disagree and still be friends. We may differ on a few words, but so many other words have built bridges between us.
"When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant."
"[My Nigerian heritage] should not limit me in creating the works I desire making. In the end, whatever I do I hope is parallel to that heritage and, at it’s greatest, adds to that heritage."
"Scents get all tied up with memory; that’s just how the brain is wired. Eventually, everything familiar has a fragrance, until a particular memory is almost like a perfume. That, to me, is the aromatherapy of nostalgia, the way snapshots of single moments feel like whole seasons all at once."
"When you read the words of Langston Hughes you are reading the words of a Black Gay man. When you read the words of Alice DunbarNelson and Angelina Weld Grimké, poets of the Harlem Renaissance, you are reading the words of Black Lesbians. When you listen to the life-afﬁ rming voices of Bessie Smith and Ma Rainey, you are hearing Black Lesbian women. When you see the plays and read the words of Lorraine Hansberry, you are reading the words of a woman who loved women deeply."
"Here we go again. Even when faced with evidence that the Dogon culture (an Ancient African civilization) knew about quantum physics, string theory and the big bang theory prior to these discoveries (centuries later) by European scientists, the Dogon cosmological theory is either dismissed as “myth” or credited to advanced alien civilizations. #CanABrotherGetABreak"
It’s like Paul Mooney said. White folks don’t want give credit to Black folks ever. They will believe in motherfucking aliens with three toes and big ass head and big black eyes doing shit. Than believe Black people did anything without help from whites or anyone else for that matter.